On Camping Humor:
"...Of course forbearance is not a bad asset to have along, and a small measure of charity and consideration. It is well to take one's sense of humor, too, and any little remnant of imagination one may have lying about handy at the moment of starting. Many a well-constructed camp has gone to wreck during a spell of bad weather because one or more of its occupants did not bring along imagination and a sense of humor, or failed to produce these articles at the critical moment. Imagination beautifies many a desolate outlook - a laugh helps over many a hard place."

On Portages:
"...It will seldom be a path fit for human beings. It won't be even a decent moose path, and moose can go anywhere that a bird can. A carry is meant to be the shortest distance between two given places and it doesn't strive for luxury. It will go under and over logs, through scratchy thickets and gardens of poison ivy; it will decent into pits; it will skin along the sharp edge of slippery rocks set up at impossible angles, so that only a mountain goat can follow it without risking his neck. I believe it would climb a tree if a big one stood directly in its path."

On Mosquitoes:
"...I wonder, by the way, what mosquitoes were made for....He seems to me a creature wholly devoid of virtues. He is a glutton, a poisoner, a spreader of disease, a dispenser of disturbing music. The last is the hardest to forgive." 
(The famous Frederic Remington commented to Mr. Paine: "I know the answer. They were created to aid civilization - otherwise, no man not an idiot would live anywhere else than in the woods.")

On Mooseflies:
"...They were as excited as if we were long lost relatives who had suddenly turned up with a fortune. They swarmed about us and clung to us and tapped us in any convenient place. I did not blame them, of course. Moose diet, year in and year out, would make them welcome anything by way of a change...His family is large and he has many friends. He brings them all to greet you."

On Wet Clothes:
"...The conditions made it possible to get some clothing decently smoked and scorched, which is the nearest approach to dryness one is ever likely to achieve in the woods in a rainy season....I must say here that the time will come - and all too soon, in a period of rain - when you will reach your last dry suit of underwear - and get it wet....Above all, do not put on your night garments for underwear, for they will get wet, too; then your condition will be desperate."

On Giving Advice:
"...I submit the above as good advice. I know it is good advice for I did not follow it. I have never followed good advice - I have only given it."

On Washing:
"...Gradually our hands lost everything original except their shape....I believe, though, that I washed myself longer than (Eddie) did - that is, at stated intervals. Of course, we never gave up the habit altogether. It would break out sporadically and at unexpected moments, but I do not recall that these lapses became dangerous or offensive...Washing is a good deal a question of pride, anyway, and pride did not count any more. Even self-respect had lost its charm."

On Campfire Smoke:
"...the perversity of campfire smoke remains one of the unexplained mysteries. I have seen a fire properly built between two tents - with good draught and the whole wide sky to hold the smoke - suddenly send a column of suffocating vapor directly into the door of the tent, where there was no draught, no room, no demand at all for smoke. I have had it track me into the remotest corner of my sleeping-bag and have found it waiting for me when I came up for a breath of air. I have had it come clear around the tent to strangle me when I had taken refuge on the back side..."

• A small deer came into my camp and stole my bag of pickles.  Is there a way I can get reimbursed?  Please call!
• Escalators would help on steep uphill sections.
• Instead of a permit system or regulations, the Forest Service needs to reduce worldwide population growth to limit the number of visitors to wilderness.
• Trails need to be wider so people can walk while holding hands.
• Ban walking sticks in wilderness.  Hikers that use walking sticks are more likely to chase animals.
• All the mile markers are missing this year.
• Found a smoldering cigarette left by a horse.
• Trails need to be reconstructed.  Please avoid building trails that go uphill.
• Too many bugs and leeches and spiders and spider webs.  Please spray the wilderness to rid the area of these pests.
• Please pave the trails so they can be plowed of snow in the winter.
• Chair lifts need to be in some places so that we can get to wonderful views without having to hike to them.
• The coyotes made too much noise last night and kept me awake.  Please eradicate these annoying animals.
• Reflectors need to be places on trees every 50 feet so people can hike at night with flashlights.
• Need more signs to keep area pristine.
• A McDonald's would be nice at the trail head.
• The places where trails do not exist are not well marked.
• Too many rocks in the mountains.